woman looking at sunset

Our Pain is the Same

But How it Comes Out is Different. 

In my work over thousands of sessions and in my travels I’ve come to realise our feelings, our pain, wishes, desires – are strikingly similar from person to person. But the way they come out is different. 

Have you ever judged someone for having this, while you’ve had that? Substitute infinite number of options: being overweight, being underweight, bad habits, a tiny bladder, a funny tummy, gas, nervous tics, strange behaviours, an odd sense of humor, defense mechanisms, limitations that don’t seem to make sense etc etc. 

One person is stressed and gets diarrhoea, another gets stressed and stops eating, another gets stressed and yells. We all get stressed sometimes. We all experience pain. 

But it can be so hard to relate to the things that are non-optional for other people. To experience them as real for that person. 

I’ve been told I didn’t have low blood sugar and wasn’t really about to pass out by someone who had never suffered from low blood sugar. I’ve had clients who were told their excruciating pain wasn’t that bad, by someone who had never felt that level of pain. 

And I’ve sometimes had a lack of understanding for other people’s pain, just because it wasn’t coming out in the way I could relate to. 

I try to believe people and to listen. To understand that our physiology, psychology, energy levels, life experiences, challenges, abilities, strengths and weakness, innate traits, support networks and beliefs are different. 

But our pain is the same. 

It just comes out in different ways. 

As always, wherever you and whatever you’re doing, take care,